Merely to dream is already important in itselfI wish for you to be YOU.
I wish you endless dreams
And the furious desire to go and make some of them come true
I wish for you to love what needs to be loved
And to forget what needs to be forgotten
I wish you passions
I wish you silences
I wish you birdsong when you wake
And children’s laughter
I wish for you to resist indifference, resignation
And the negative traits of our times
Most of all… I wish for you to BE YOU.
It’s a simple thing, but it’s a wish that gets lost in all of our expectations, of ourselves and others – and we know we have them.
I’ve often been accused (perhaps accused isn’t the right word) of expecting perfection in myself and being disappointed upon finding out that others do not share the same mentality. They may expect it of me (or perhaps that’s my own mind playing tricks), but expecting of themselves is another story altogether.
This past year has been a search for me. I’m searching for many things, but moreover, I’m searching for the person I would like to be. Searching, wishing, hoping – it’s all the same. The more I search, the more questions I have. The more people ask for my opinion, the more I have to stop and think “What do I really think?”
Going with the flow is no longer the status quo. I’m sure I will ruffle feathers with my newfound “I am important” attitude – it already has. I no longer ask everyone’s opinion prior to making a decision (or I try not to) – going with the status quo even when it affects only me. I make plans and then invite others to join me, not as I did before, trying to get the consensus of what everyone else wanted to do. It’s all me, all the time. Baby.
It hasn’t been an easy haul. I’m fighting years and years of habit, of what was comfortable, of not going against the grain for fear of disappointment, not in myself, but in others. Now when I shirk away from expressing my alternate opinion the disappointment I feel is in me, for not being authentic and living my authentic self. What is comfortable and familiar is in a Battle Royale with my new, self-empowering, distinctive path.
As usual, this inspirational post does not come out of thin air, or even my imagination. I was wondering what my next post would be about – certainly not the digital SLR we can’t afford to get (the tears don’t come as freely these days) – but I wanted it to be a personal, upfront and feel-good promise. A promise to do better, aim higher and reach further than I did this year. Again, I have Ange of Signed by Ange to thank (you can visit her via my bloglist sidebar). Ange always seems to come in with just the right poem, saying or sentiment to keep me going. There are others too – I’ll steal from them too! And as long as I’m inspired to continue on this path, I will continue to raid from anywhere and anyone – a note, a poem, a message written on a bathroom wall. No place is off-limits.
The Year 2010 will probably not be 100 per cent fluffy lambs and floating cherubs. I’m not expecting a miracle, but amidst the chaos there will be authenticity, and a resistance to indifference, resignation and negative responses to the new, unapologetic Scribe. And there will be laughter and birds chirping outside of my window. Even if I have to pay them.
Here’s to an honest, in-your-face authentic 2010. I wish all of you a very happy, healthy and inspired New Year. And I wish for passions and pursuit of those passions that make each and every one of you unique. I look forward to following your travels as you hopefully enjoy mine.
Much love from the blogosphere,
Scribe (along with Kao and Bella)