Last night, I was tired. Down to the bone tired. And then I turned on the TV.
I have recently discovered Oprah's new channel and with the Rogers' VIP package we get with our property maintenance fee, we get it. Yay me! Yeah, not really...
To steal a line from a film geared to the female demographic (I can almost hear The Man saying this in his generic female voice), I weep. I'm a weeper. Can you guess which movie star uttered those words? Okay, I'll give you a hint... he's English, he screwed his kids' nanny and starred with Robert Downey Jr. Yep. You guessed it - it's Jude Law.
But I'm not talking about Jude, Downey or any other actor. I'm talking about Oprah and her choice of running Tuesdays with Morrie at 1 a.m. and my inability to turn the television off even when I got uncomfortable with the subject matter. And I wept. I wept for Hank Azira's character when he visited his favourite professor. I wept for the ideals he lost after graduation. I wept when Jack Lemmon's character entered into his final days with ALS. I wept at the goodbye.
Like Mitch Ablom, I suck at goodbyes. I still remember my final words to my mother-in-law the day she died of pancreatic cancer. I wasn't ready to let her go. I wasn't ready to believe that it was hopeless. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. So, instead, I told her she was the best mother-in-law I've had. It was true. It was jokey and it made her laugh. I hope she knew just how much I loved her even though the words weren't there.
I've said goodbye since then to people older than my 46-year-old mother-in-law. Some were expected. Some weren't. But they were easier because I wasn't as close. I wasn't as invested. That changed this past May when I had to say goodbye to Christopher.
I thought that it was getting easier to accept. I thought I was moving on but then that damn movie came on and it all came rushing back - the waiting, the hoping and the final goodbyes. Morrie was old; Christopher was not. Morrie had a full life and touched many people; Christopher was not as lucky though he has and continues to touch people with the life he did manage to lead.
I know I've written about Christopher before. I just can't seem to stop. I still miss him every day and will often touch his picture posted on my fridge and smile. I don't think that will ever stop.
I'm a weeper. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and in Christopher's honour I won't change my caring nature. I will also remember to tell the people I love how I feel about them every chance I get so when it's the time for goodbyes there will be no doubt.