Thursday, July 15, 2010

Eye spy

Pretty green eyes, just like mine! Well, maybe minus the tires. WTH?

Did you ever play that as a kid? Long car ride, brother in the back pinching you and pretending to fart in your general direction, so to kill the time and take your mind off of of the smell, you started at A and went through the alphabet? Yeah, me too, until I got dyslexic.

I'm not really dyslexic although numbers always seem to transpose themselves under their own power. But, last night took the cannoli. I was driving to meet up with Happy MacGyver (that's right, the creator of the MacGyver sling from the weekend moving fiasco and related hospital visit). Since I had spent almost four hours in the emergency room, I missed seeing the new digs. I wasn't that disappointed, however, since it also meant that I didn't have to move anything else that day.

I had pulled into the correct subdivision, having visited the colony of homes many times over the past few years. Never did I notice the street name. I knew it was just before the Great Canadian Superstore (Loblaws), before Sheridan College but after Shoppers World (really, it's Shoppers Nightmare since it's so ghetto). Mafia St.? Who in the hell would name a street that, I pondered, shaking my head and wondered if Cement Shoes Lane was right around the corner.

I had a nice visit, saw the living space and spent more than a few minutes laughing over the MacGyver story. And as I was pulling out of the complex, I did a double take. Oh, Malta Ave. That makes more sense. But what in the hell possessed me to think that it said Mafia? Mafia - Malta, okay it's similar and can be explained away except that this happens a lot and it usually involves store signs and lewd suggestions. A Chicken Balls sign for a chinese restaurant (yes, it is called Chicken Balls) had me thinking Chilly Balls.

I'm not alone. Happy Buddha McGyver suffers from Pizza Heels Syndrome. Let me explain. I said one night that I had pins and needles in my feet. His translation: Pizza Heels. A watching of an episode of American Idol had him hearing that sweet Crystal was offering cavity tours as opposed to a comedy tour (she was joking and I was choking as Happy MacGyver thought a tour of her orifaces was quite warranted. Gross. Eww. It might not be Street Sign Dyslexia, but it's often quite as humourous.


  1. Remember when I swear the sign said "Newfie Fertility Clinic" and I was all "why do people from Newfoundland have their own fertility clinic?" and it turns out it said "New Life Fertility Clinic"? That font is f*cked up man! I know how to read......

  2. Love pizza heels.

    I always wondered why people said 'it's a doggie dog world' until someone put me right - dog EAT dog - duh!